we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
