No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
