a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
