She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
