the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
