you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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