his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
