He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I cockslap morals
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
