Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize