Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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