How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
