Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize