Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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