You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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