Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
