Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
