Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
