i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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