New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
