First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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