I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
