im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
