Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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