I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
