dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
