u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
