i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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