Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize