mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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