I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
