my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
