You just made me feel so damn special
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
