we have pet lesbian snakes
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
