Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
