took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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