why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
