well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize