yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i think i just lost a toe
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
