omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
