were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
