I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
