is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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