I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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