why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
