It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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