with your own penis?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
