ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
