i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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