it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
