Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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