Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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