Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
