a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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