I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
