Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
