Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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