just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
