Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
