Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
