Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
