I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
