I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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