Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
