Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
