i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
