so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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