they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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