did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
