I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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