Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
