Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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