having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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