All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
