grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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