note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
