Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
two words: eviction party
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
