No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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