my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
