Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's the barista slut.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
