we're blogging at a bar
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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