dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
