my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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