Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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