chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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