Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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