i just sold back the books i vomitted on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
