I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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