I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
