so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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