If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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