yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
