I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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