it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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