Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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