barbara walters just said penis...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize