textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
